The problem with making friends

I have a few very good friends, and then I have a lot of them that I intentionally keep at an arm's length.
In fact, it can take people years to penetrate that fortress that is walling off my heart.

I like to blame it on my heritage.  Being Norwegian, I am from a "tribe" of people that is fairly cold and unfriendly and very difficult to get to know.  This IS true. My husband especially noticed it when we visited Norway a couple of times, that most Norwegians keep their distance and are difficult to get to know... unless they've had a couple of drinks.  I guess that's why pubs are such a popular past time activity in Norway.  It's how we work up the courage to socialize!

BUT.... I can't put all the blame on my Norwegian heritage. I really can't. I have to own up to some of this myself.  Although identifying that Norwegians are in general like that is a nice step for me, because it means I'm aware of it and if I choose to do so, I can probably work on this and make it less of a factor.
"If I choose to do so" is the key sentence here.

When I was 12, my parents uprooted my entire family and we moved from the West Coast of Norway to the eastern part of Norway. I know most of you Americans think that could only be a 30 minute drive, but no, it's a lot longer than that.  More like a couple of days' drive (unless you don't plan on sleeping the entire time.... then you can probably make it in 12 hours or so...).
So there I was, twelve years old, leaving all my friends and everything I'd ever known, heading into a new school, a new place.... not knowing a soul.   The thing about Norway is.... very few people move.   Most people stay in one spot for generations.... so kids grow up with family, they grow up with friends of their families.... in short, they don't really need anybody new to come in.  It's really difficult to break in to any type of a friends group.  Sure, I made friends but they always had somebody that were closer, somebody that they'd hung out with from the time they were babies, so I always felt like the outsider and the 3rd wheel.  After a few years, I did make a couple of good friends that I hung out with and that I consider my best friends. 

Then.... college time. In Norway there are only 4 universities, so if a person wants to go to college, you pretty much have to move. Again. Now.... I was HAPPY to get out of the city we moved to when I was 12.  I had never really thrived there, I just went through the motions to get done with school and at first chance, I was out of there. (I should mention that at 17 I went to the US for 1 year....and LOVED it. I made a lot of good friends there.... and although I did my very very best to stay in touch with them, those ties eventually wore down because I've discovered that most people aren't as eager or as good as keeping in touch as I am. Or as I used to be.... I think I eventually gave up on trying to staying in touch with people.... What's the point, if nobody ever writes back in return?)

Anyway, I went to college.  8 hours away by train. So obviously I moved out and away.  At this point, I had already given up on making good friends.  My theory was that they'll all go away again at some point, so why bother opening up to people in the first place.   So I was social. And I did make a lot of friends.  But only on the outside. I did have a couple of boyfriends, both ended with breakups, one actually cheated on me so if that doesn't totally blow the concept of being close with somebody straight out of the water, I don't know what does. 

Then I met my husband. Online. For some reason, I eventually let him into my heart. Maybe it was because I thought since he was so far away (in California), nothing would ever happen and we'd never be friends in real life.... so I didn't see any danger in opening up to him, I didn't see it as making a true friend.... And guess what, I ended up marrying the guy and 13 years later, we're having a wonderful marriage, and he knows everything about me.

Moving to California though.... once again I broke ties... not only with friends this time, but with family too.  It was by choice.  My last moves had been by choice. But at this point, my friends theory had pretty much been confirmed in my mind..... all friends separate eventually .... so what's the point of making any?
For every friend I make that ends up moving away.... it reconfirms my theory.  So for each friend that moves away, I become less likely to make any new ones. 

There have been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends here, but I've been standoffish and I know it.  People WANT to make friends with me, but I'm not letting them be my friends.
On the flip side, I'm a really good friend to others.  They let ME in, and I never violate this privilege. I'm generous, I always remember birthdays and special days. I'm always there if they need to talk about things, and I never EVER pass any confessions or private information along, not even to my husband, with whom I pretty much share everything.  I'm genuinely a good friend to other people.  But I don't let anybody be a good friend to me.

So...what the hell? I don't deserve good friends? I think I do?

With the self analysis I've made here, and posted, I think I can maybe fix this. I need to somehow change my thinking regarding separating from friends.  It can't possibly be healthy going through life not making friends because I "know" they will eventually disappear.  Is there any way I can focus on the value of their friendship while they are HERE? So that if they do end up moving away.... I'll have the good memories, but not focus so much on the disappearance of the friend.

I need to work on this. I really do.  And to friends who read this .... feel free to help me along the way.  Especially now that i'm open to it.