Feeling good!

So I'm back to work. I won my battle. Well, my battle with work anyway.  I work from home 3 days a week now, and the workload has deliberately been withheld from me and I appreciate that very much.
I feel better than I have in a long time.  I feel a sense of relief. Not sure if it's the meds or just time passing, but thinking back, I'm all of a sudden not sure how long I've been depressed?  I can't ever remember feeling this light in the chest. I mean light as in I can breathe better, there's not a constant cloud of congestion hovering about in there.... my head seems clearer too, not so full of negative thoughts and stress. I'm not so nervous anymore, nor as socially awkward as I've felt in the past.

I'm probably talking about years. Though it's hard to imagine my life prior to Aurora's arrival, I still can't remember feeling this good or this good about myself as I'm feeling right now.
I know there will be dark clouds and rainy days, but I don't know, I feel like I can handle it better now.

Thinking back, dealing with this PPD has made me stronger in many ways. I feel more confident.  Having to go toe to toe with HR and fight for my right to get better while handling work was a nerve wrecking adventure, but the victory was sweet and gave me a boost of confidence.... no doubt this will give me more confidence to handle future battles as well, because I've tended to be somewhat of a wuss in the past.
Wuss/the quiet wheel who never got any grease..... that's just who I've been.  (And I guess at this point its appropriate to refer back to my post about being invisible....).

I know other factors is playing in on me feeling good too. I'm losing weight.  Last weigh-in showed 31 lbs down, only 19lbs to go before I get my tattoo. Yay.  Also, other life choices I have made lately have given me more confidence and I feel good about myself.


So now I'm wondering.... given that I feel this good .... is it the meds? Is it the therapy? Is it my current life?
Will I still feel good when the meds are taken away?  Time will tell I guess.  For some reason I"m suspecting that I've been needing this solid awakening for some time now.  Maybe the PPD got so severe because I may already have been slightly depressed.  Who knows these things?  How the heck do you know that you're depressed and that you're not just having a bad day?  I still don't know.

I'm almost afraid of letting go of the meds. Then again, I don't want to be an addict.  And I certainly don't want to take meds if I don't have to.  Not to mention.... I can't have any beers until the meds are gone.  If that's not an incentive for getting better.... and kicking the meds.... I don't know what is!